oh im in love with timothy findley's writing. maybe i should start buying his books to add to my puny collection of favourite contemporary books. he writes the way I want to write myself.. well..but obiviously i cant do it.
the fear of oneself for oneself: i worry that everything i do, my "talents", my thoughts, are merely pretentious endeavours, that happen to have succeeded to this point of my life. well, so what if i wrote a few good essays, did a few relatively ok things? i cannot assure you that i am able to write another. im fake, farce. plastic. perhaps i never had any potential to begin with. perhaps everything i do was never original. that im only a hollow little vessel who plagarises, and lies. i fear.
sigh
damm i think im getting sick.. fer real. im losing my voice and im unbelievably tired lately.. its not even normal..
baa baa black sheep......
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
exam today! and i dont give a POOP. right now im imaging im some fat princess swathed in a satin robe(except its just a satin pj top with teddy bears on it) and jewelled slippers(my fluffy blue ones) drinking exotic hot chocolate(from tim hortons) and ordering slaves(dawne) to print stuff for me. sigh im so bored. the thought of being on the bus is already depressing. AND a blooody bible exam.. BUT honestly though, when u read some of the gospels from a literary point of view.. it can get pretty once in a while. meh, i just need to pass this exam.. and im pretty sure im gonna score for the first section anyways.. 5% in my pocket. just need another 5 more and im set.
omg im so fat now.. damm its too late to go to the gym now. GAH! how the heck am i going to walk in singapore like that?? people will point and laugh at me. i told ron to expect a fair dinosaur. lol. being unskinny = fat in singapore. EVERYONE IS EMANCIPATED there!! they eat all the laksa and roti prata they want and stay HALF MY MASS. PLUS, they are all tall and tanned and prutty with their huge smiles and sunkissed skin. i cant even imagine how bad im gonna feel. lol. mEH whatever, im gonna swim and tan and feel gorgeous. Hopefully anywyas. OOO i hope i stay at ngeeZEE(hakka for auntie no. 2)'s condo.. they only have a stupid puny pool which wont be able to swim laps in but at least its in tampines.....
damm it all.. im only dreaming so much coz im sooooooooooo looking forward to it!! ARGHHHH WHY CANT MOMMY QUICKLY GET THE TICKETS.. IF SHE LIES TO ME AGAIN IM GONNA GET SOOOOOOOO BLOODY MAD.. i dont care if she slaps me anymore. i'll offer the other cheek if u want. :) sigh.. i sorta hate it when u realise u are now so much stronger than your parents.. im not supposed to be able to grab my mom's arm in mid air to stop her from givin me the smack-in-the-face of the century. sigh.
omg im so fat now.. damm its too late to go to the gym now. GAH! how the heck am i going to walk in singapore like that?? people will point and laugh at me. i told ron to expect a fair dinosaur. lol. being unskinny = fat in singapore. EVERYONE IS EMANCIPATED there!! they eat all the laksa and roti prata they want and stay HALF MY MASS. PLUS, they are all tall and tanned and prutty with their huge smiles and sunkissed skin. i cant even imagine how bad im gonna feel. lol. mEH whatever, im gonna swim and tan and feel gorgeous. Hopefully anywyas. OOO i hope i stay at ngeeZEE(hakka for auntie no. 2)'s condo.. they only have a stupid puny pool which wont be able to swim laps in but at least its in tampines.....
damm it all.. im only dreaming so much coz im sooooooooooo looking forward to it!! ARGHHHH WHY CANT MOMMY QUICKLY GET THE TICKETS.. IF SHE LIES TO ME AGAIN IM GONNA GET SOOOOOOOO BLOODY MAD.. i dont care if she slaps me anymore. i'll offer the other cheek if u want. :) sigh.. i sorta hate it when u realise u are now so much stronger than your parents.. im not supposed to be able to grab my mom's arm in mid air to stop her from givin me the smack-in-the-face of the century. sigh.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
sometimes the rock grows cold in her hands. sometimes her tears fall like icicles. sometimes, tiny words do matter. sometimes amongst it all, she just wants to be held.
spring's here and the sun's out! But the pile of books accumulate, blocking out the chirping of birds and streams of warm rays. she doesnt really mind being gently placed aside, so many due dates float before her too.. she just hopes this time he wouldn't let go of her hand.
...
rainbows rainbows!! im going to sleep. yes at 10pm! and wake up at 4 or 5 again.. *dies*
spring's here and the sun's out! But the pile of books accumulate, blocking out the chirping of birds and streams of warm rays. she doesnt really mind being gently placed aside, so many due dates float before her too.. she just hopes this time he wouldn't let go of her hand.
...
rainbows rainbows!! im going to sleep. yes at 10pm! and wake up at 4 or 5 again.. *dies*
Saturday, March 26, 2005
mm just thought of my dad's friends crazy love story. he knew his wife since primary school... IN malaysia!! and on weekends she brings food to him in singapore when he was in ngee ann polytechnic.. WOAH.. like those old movies. bah, this only happens so much with chinese people. (im stereotyping here) if they are not assholes, even guys this generation make u feel so "secure" so fast. and they constantly treat u like goddamm treasure.. tthose i have encountered anyways.. many pros and cons. the unconditional devotion.. and they were still happily married too!!(until he passed away :( ) thats AMAZING i tell you... most of the world.. including myself.. can only tell ourselves it doesnt happen in real life.. and keep up with our daily struggles and internal battles.
timothy findley just got himself a new fan
"I don't have burn marks for nothing, my dear. I don't have these scars by chance. I'm covered with your fingerprints. Covered from head to toe and back again on the other side"
"Col sat back. he had peeled away Minna's lashes and - in the men's room had wiped the streaks of mascara from his cheeks. He looked - but not completely - normal. His beauty, though male, was not masculine. his eyes were too far apart, too large for that - and his lips too sensual.
Masuline had straight, hard lines. Col's were curvaceous, wet and inviting. Masculine meant iron thin lips; eyes that said no; the fingers that were always curled decisively rejecting any contact with male persons - and flesh that smelled locker room and sweat. Don't i won't let you - and sure as hell, i won't let me was the message.
Undo, women said. Uncurl. Unfurl. Lie back. Expose yousrelf. You - its you i want, not who you think you are. I want you - the person whole and naked on the bed. " - Come as you are, Dust to dust.
sigh, these people have a way with words. it probably does nothing for anyone unless u have read the entire book... mmmm.. well at least i had a good book as the highlight of my day.. stupid library charged 20cents for one page black and white photocopy.. thats evil. or i could have copied many more pages.. hmm.
i dont understand why i let words become to important to me. but i cant talk or express myself aurally to save my soul.
sigh im so *bleeeeeeeeeeeeep*-ing bored
yay aunty dorothy and helen said i lost even more weight since popiah night. bumped into them at the clinic.. maybe i really should start dieting.. and going to the bloody gym more than twice(TWICE?! WHO GOES ONLY TWICE?) a week to speed it up. they are probably just saying it to make me happy. i dont feel any thinner anyways(and i feel so bloated!).. plus i havent done anything... im just as thick as ever.
sigh, im tired of feeling ugly :.( the . is the poo on my face.
and my bf calls me "poo"!! *tears* haha.. i go with "goo" :.P
wow just wrote like 6 pages in my diary.. mmmm
*dies*
timothy findley just got himself a new fan
"I don't have burn marks for nothing, my dear. I don't have these scars by chance. I'm covered with your fingerprints. Covered from head to toe and back again on the other side"
"Col sat back. he had peeled away Minna's lashes and - in the men's room had wiped the streaks of mascara from his cheeks. He looked - but not completely - normal. His beauty, though male, was not masculine. his eyes were too far apart, too large for that - and his lips too sensual.
Masuline had straight, hard lines. Col's were curvaceous, wet and inviting. Masculine meant iron thin lips; eyes that said no; the fingers that were always curled decisively rejecting any contact with male persons - and flesh that smelled locker room and sweat. Don't i won't let you - and sure as hell, i won't let me was the message.
Undo, women said. Uncurl. Unfurl. Lie back. Expose yousrelf. You - its you i want, not who you think you are. I want you - the person whole and naked on the bed. " - Come as you are, Dust to dust.
sigh, these people have a way with words. it probably does nothing for anyone unless u have read the entire book... mmmm.. well at least i had a good book as the highlight of my day.. stupid library charged 20cents for one page black and white photocopy.. thats evil. or i could have copied many more pages.. hmm.
i dont understand why i let words become to important to me. but i cant talk or express myself aurally to save my soul.
sigh im so *bleeeeeeeeeeeeep*-ing bored
yay aunty dorothy and helen said i lost even more weight since popiah night. bumped into them at the clinic.. maybe i really should start dieting.. and going to the bloody gym more than twice(TWICE?! WHO GOES ONLY TWICE?) a week to speed it up. they are probably just saying it to make me happy. i dont feel any thinner anyways(and i feel so bloated!).. plus i havent done anything... im just as thick as ever.
sigh, im tired of feeling ugly :.( the . is the poo on my face.
and my bf calls me "poo"!! *tears* haha.. i go with "goo" :.P
wow just wrote like 6 pages in my diary.. mmmm
*dies*
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
through this world i stumbled -
you're mean, im mean, im nice, you're sweet, im cold, you're hot, we laugh, we share, we understand, we misunderstand, we soar, we fall, i goof up, we crash. how long has it been? almost an entire year.. or more? it feels like forever - in a good way :) distance between us had its first major crack eversince that sunchips afternoon in the baking sun when we talked for almost 2 hours. a few weeks later the hairline cracks gave in and i realised how much you really meant and mean to me.
still, so much time after all the coy afternoons, we remain very often paranoid and misunderstood, perhaps refusing to take things for granted or did omitted words took its toll?
- but nevertheless amidst everything else, we, yes WE remain addicted(your word) to each other. absence makes the heart fonder? i think not baby, my day bad or good isn't complete without you. they say getting overly comfortable with time kills many things.. for me though, it gets better. i feel more like myself, i guess in a selfish sense this amazing bond of ours have done sooooo more for me than give me a gorgeous and hilarious bf who also assures me i shouldnt wear makeup and im not fat ;) - ANd, i want you more than ever.
PLus, you did get a free cookie for me and shared the double double you(and your fellow comrade nima) won from going through public garbage around york for hours this evening, leaving me in charge with your bags and laptop since im constantly hungry anyways. awws, isnt that sweet? lol.
what else can i say? that no one made me laugh this much, this freely? that i never told someone i loved him without flinching or any prompt and mean it? that the rare rare times i get to steal warmth off you are impossibly beautiful? that im strongly convinced EVEn better things may come? that i never had anyone who loves me so wholly? even for my disgusting fiction-book devouring habits, girlish moodiness, ditziness, my repulsive obsessive complusive capitalistic rants, my lack of self esteem, my shyness, my attempts to engage you in "intellectual" conversations that ultimately mean nothing in the bigger picture, my inability to remember THAT THING ON THE BACK is called a spoiler, my "bad" music and car taste... my imperfections held in by perfect and warm hands of a perfect person( well.. except for the times you kick me out of the car, purposely humiliate me in public, punch me, and make everyone think u have sexual relations with all your guy friends ;) )...
...with those usually curled pinkies :).
i always wanted to write a book, which would give me the excuse to describe the flat, broad white finger tips on your long curled fingers, quickening heartrates, the tremor of a surface when your voice echoes from the throat, sunlight scorching my forearms as 18degree cold air blasts from the vents as i watch your eyelashes flutter with your eyes on the road. i guess the blog will suffice for now.
dragons or not, i know the start wasn't a fairytale. what can i do but hope to understand one day that ideals were never really met? forget 6 times a month, we are already doing better than that! hahaaa...
"Stay in your lovely paris but think of me with every wild strawberry you eat, every scrumptious melon, and certainly every bite of foie gras. " - Shipwreck, Lousi Begley (yes, its the books i took out today. i am done with the girl with a pearl earring and im currently on page 24 of this one.... *nerdy toothy smile* :) )
with every calorie i injest, sleep off, read off, work off and accumulate, i think of you.
- till i found you.
eww im so ushy mushy ewww :P
you're mean, im mean, im nice, you're sweet, im cold, you're hot, we laugh, we share, we understand, we misunderstand, we soar, we fall, i goof up, we crash. how long has it been? almost an entire year.. or more? it feels like forever - in a good way :) distance between us had its first major crack eversince that sunchips afternoon in the baking sun when we talked for almost 2 hours. a few weeks later the hairline cracks gave in and i realised how much you really meant and mean to me.
still, so much time after all the coy afternoons, we remain very often paranoid and misunderstood, perhaps refusing to take things for granted or did omitted words took its toll?
- but nevertheless amidst everything else, we, yes WE remain addicted(your word) to each other. absence makes the heart fonder? i think not baby, my day bad or good isn't complete without you. they say getting overly comfortable with time kills many things.. for me though, it gets better. i feel more like myself, i guess in a selfish sense this amazing bond of ours have done sooooo more for me than give me a gorgeous and hilarious bf who also assures me i shouldnt wear makeup and im not fat ;) - ANd, i want you more than ever.
PLus, you did get a free cookie for me and shared the double double you(and your fellow comrade nima) won from going through public garbage around york for hours this evening, leaving me in charge with your bags and laptop since im constantly hungry anyways. awws, isnt that sweet? lol.
what else can i say? that no one made me laugh this much, this freely? that i never told someone i loved him without flinching or any prompt and mean it? that the rare rare times i get to steal warmth off you are impossibly beautiful? that im strongly convinced EVEn better things may come? that i never had anyone who loves me so wholly? even for my disgusting fiction-book devouring habits, girlish moodiness, ditziness, my repulsive obsessive complusive capitalistic rants, my lack of self esteem, my shyness, my attempts to engage you in "intellectual" conversations that ultimately mean nothing in the bigger picture, my inability to remember THAT THING ON THE BACK is called a spoiler, my "bad" music and car taste... my imperfections held in by perfect and warm hands of a perfect person( well.. except for the times you kick me out of the car, purposely humiliate me in public, punch me, and make everyone think u have sexual relations with all your guy friends ;) )...
...with those usually curled pinkies :).
i always wanted to write a book, which would give me the excuse to describe the flat, broad white finger tips on your long curled fingers, quickening heartrates, the tremor of a surface when your voice echoes from the throat, sunlight scorching my forearms as 18degree cold air blasts from the vents as i watch your eyelashes flutter with your eyes on the road. i guess the blog will suffice for now.
dragons or not, i know the start wasn't a fairytale. what can i do but hope to understand one day that ideals were never really met? forget 6 times a month, we are already doing better than that! hahaaa...
"Stay in your lovely paris but think of me with every wild strawberry you eat, every scrumptious melon, and certainly every bite of foie gras. " - Shipwreck, Lousi Begley (yes, its the books i took out today. i am done with the girl with a pearl earring and im currently on page 24 of this one.... *nerdy toothy smile* :) )
with every calorie i injest, sleep off, read off, work off and accumulate, i think of you.
- till i found you.
eww im so ushy mushy ewww :P
Saturday, March 12, 2005
The times may have changed, but people are still the sme. We're still looking for love, and thay will always be our struggle as human beings." -halle berry!! shes an ok actress with an awesome bod... but i like the things she say in interviews.. and her voice is so smokey too.. haa.. meh
i dont get why women care so much about having the right boobs, ass and everything for men!!!! WHY?! dont u want them for yourself and not just MEN? *incredulous expression* i dislike myself because i dont come close at all to my own ideals because i think my junk looks bad in the clothing i CHOOse and would like to wear.. and OOBBVIOUSLY im not exotic as i wishhhhh i am.. and my genes disallow for certain things i want to change... its a veryy gooood bonus obviously if the guys love it.. but dont you want to feel good for yourself FIrst?
LIsten glamour magazine's jake.. i dont like models only because they are skinny.. i like them coz they are so differnt from the normal human being who eats 3 meals a day and will nver be 5 10'.. they can wear a sheet and still look exotic. they have all the potential to be shaped and moulded by anything.. makeup, a shred of clothing, a hot iron. their lack of body mass doesnt make their frail at all either.. it is jsut another type of ideal so far away from someone who isnt genetically blessed with stick figure thighs or wants to gorge on only coffee and ciggarettes. that is all. and OH coMON, voluptuous, monstrously thin, fit, curvy, neat, messy, blah blah blah..sexy women are for everyone! who said girls dont admire the brazen and dirty girls too? well im speaking for myself. :) its just superficial either.. its the AURA.
lol dawne and her teenage angst.. hahaa doesnt it suck when the whole house if filled with moody teenagers when the age gaps between kids are not big?? well i exempt hammy's family from this.. he is(and probably the brothers too) are probably alot more calm and composed than people like me and my siblings. lol. but then again.. im learning to contain my anger alot better by now.
things to do for today:
1. return games at eb for brother
2. exchange my lacey ae shirttt for a smaller one
3. buy hair conditioner
4. contact lens solution
5. do an outline for essay
6. photocopy natural science notes
7. tidy up my closet
8. yoga.. i pushed myself a little yesterdayyy at the gym.. haha was trembling at the end of it.. but today i just feel a tad sore.. esp my bum.. lol. gluetes! i can officially feel the slight girly bump of my triceps~ but i still have a hugeee belly.. lol. dododo. MEH. lets just say this fat kid is lazier today :)
haha yesterday my mom screeched at me to sit down and eat(i was running up and down the stairs getting my things to go out with hammy after every mouth full) and my dad had to run downstairs to see what happened.. haha. dramatic mommy.
lols that day i did bench presses with free weights for the first time i couldnt stop giggling with abhi peering over top and calling me muscular pearle even though i was doing only 15 pounds. but im weak.. my biceps were burning after a few reps.. and they call that a chest exercise!?? hahaa.. i felt nothing around my chest.
feel like wearing a mini skirt and boots today.. hahaa.. random urges
bah.. its too early in the morning and im already blabbering non stop. golly, i talk so much! :)
indeed poo talk is distracting.. *laughs*
i dont get why women care so much about having the right boobs, ass and everything for men!!!! WHY?! dont u want them for yourself and not just MEN? *incredulous expression* i dislike myself because i dont come close at all to my own ideals because i think my junk looks bad in the clothing i CHOOse and would like to wear.. and OOBBVIOUSLY im not exotic as i wishhhhh i am.. and my genes disallow for certain things i want to change... its a veryy gooood bonus obviously if the guys love it.. but dont you want to feel good for yourself FIrst?
LIsten glamour magazine's jake.. i dont like models only because they are skinny.. i like them coz they are so differnt from the normal human being who eats 3 meals a day and will nver be 5 10'.. they can wear a sheet and still look exotic. they have all the potential to be shaped and moulded by anything.. makeup, a shred of clothing, a hot iron. their lack of body mass doesnt make their frail at all either.. it is jsut another type of ideal so far away from someone who isnt genetically blessed with stick figure thighs or wants to gorge on only coffee and ciggarettes. that is all. and OH coMON, voluptuous, monstrously thin, fit, curvy, neat, messy, blah blah blah..sexy women are for everyone! who said girls dont admire the brazen and dirty girls too? well im speaking for myself. :) its just superficial either.. its the AURA.
lol dawne and her teenage angst.. hahaa doesnt it suck when the whole house if filled with moody teenagers when the age gaps between kids are not big?? well i exempt hammy's family from this.. he is(and probably the brothers too) are probably alot more calm and composed than people like me and my siblings. lol. but then again.. im learning to contain my anger alot better by now.
things to do for today:
1. return games at eb for brother
2. exchange my lacey ae shirttt for a smaller one
3. buy hair conditioner
4. contact lens solution
5. do an outline for essay
6. photocopy natural science notes
7. tidy up my closet
8. yoga.. i pushed myself a little yesterdayyy at the gym.. haha was trembling at the end of it.. but today i just feel a tad sore.. esp my bum.. lol. gluetes! i can officially feel the slight girly bump of my triceps~ but i still have a hugeee belly.. lol. dododo. MEH. lets just say this fat kid is lazier today :)
haha yesterday my mom screeched at me to sit down and eat(i was running up and down the stairs getting my things to go out with hammy after every mouth full) and my dad had to run downstairs to see what happened.. haha. dramatic mommy.
lols that day i did bench presses with free weights for the first time i couldnt stop giggling with abhi peering over top and calling me muscular pearle even though i was doing only 15 pounds. but im weak.. my biceps were burning after a few reps.. and they call that a chest exercise!?? hahaa.. i felt nothing around my chest.
feel like wearing a mini skirt and boots today.. hahaa.. random urges
bah.. its too early in the morning and im already blabbering non stop. golly, i talk so much! :)
indeed poo talk is distracting.. *laughs*
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
sometimes i feel like, what i would belive to be a child, blissfully content with the tiny little bubble i reside in, its thin gleaming pulsing membrane separating me from the rest of the world. other times though, the bubble disintegrates - leaving me uncomfortable, naked, vulnerable in my unfamiliar 18 year old skin. who am i, huddled at the back of a public bus, voices and laughter swimming around me, suspending before me, excluding me. Not mine.
loneliness permeates this house. A theme my family scurries around and tries to escape everyday. my brother locks himself in his room day in and out, throwing himself into his school work, video games. dawne paces around restlessly, miserable that "there just isnt anything good to do". My parents, now seem so small and frail relentlessly lament to me about depleting savings, lack of jobs, recent badluck, the lack of friends, contacts, the aches and pains of this strange weather and growing older.
at night, this theme clings onto the shadows on the walls, soft glows emitting from under each closed door. We never say anything of course. do we ever? But isnt it obvious, the way my mother clings onto the phone with her sisters, her precious nieces and nephews, faint voices on the line. my dad reminices of days he failed english exams shortly after his arrival in singapore, his constant worries for his friend diagnosed with kidney cancer. the fondness and almost bitter tilt to my siblings' voices as they talk of their friends, the "old" life as they wandered aimlessly to and from each other's rooms, including my own?
We sorta know we have each other, and somehow then again we don't. Is something missing.. or is this just not enough?
we are almost merely hollowed versions of ourselves occupying this same strained space, wordless, fake. Personas employed and displayed during most dinners - personas that are slowly shed during the journey from the table to the sink and the first step up the carpetted stairs.
today is just another one of those days. all the doors are still open, each of us staring at something else completely different, our hearts moving to different music, our minds somewhere faraway.. from each other.. perhaps even from the isolation we place ourselves both willingly and relunctantly in. But we are accustomed to this. cold fingers and voiceless words. spaces.
voids. and pauses.
loneliness permeates this house. A theme my family scurries around and tries to escape everyday. my brother locks himself in his room day in and out, throwing himself into his school work, video games. dawne paces around restlessly, miserable that "there just isnt anything good to do". My parents, now seem so small and frail relentlessly lament to me about depleting savings, lack of jobs, recent badluck, the lack of friends, contacts, the aches and pains of this strange weather and growing older.
at night, this theme clings onto the shadows on the walls, soft glows emitting from under each closed door. We never say anything of course. do we ever? But isnt it obvious, the way my mother clings onto the phone with her sisters, her precious nieces and nephews, faint voices on the line. my dad reminices of days he failed english exams shortly after his arrival in singapore, his constant worries for his friend diagnosed with kidney cancer. the fondness and almost bitter tilt to my siblings' voices as they talk of their friends, the "old" life as they wandered aimlessly to and from each other's rooms, including my own?
We sorta know we have each other, and somehow then again we don't. Is something missing.. or is this just not enough?
we are almost merely hollowed versions of ourselves occupying this same strained space, wordless, fake. Personas employed and displayed during most dinners - personas that are slowly shed during the journey from the table to the sink and the first step up the carpetted stairs.
today is just another one of those days. all the doors are still open, each of us staring at something else completely different, our hearts moving to different music, our minds somewhere faraway.. from each other.. perhaps even from the isolation we place ourselves both willingly and relunctantly in. But we are accustomed to this. cold fingers and voiceless words. spaces.
voids. and pauses.
somehow, baby i
don't feel quite up to par today.
The people keep talking and the
sun gets in my eyes. i
tried calling your name but
the wind stole my voice
again.
but i guess silence suits you fine.
silk, satin, cotton, cashmere pressed against
my numbed skin.
where are you?
the dew locked up in icicles,
moss buried under endless sheets of snow.
tell me it stays warm that
way.
i stare out at orange street lights and soggy white tire tracks.
i notice the shadows now. they whisper, mumble and creak, but
i can't read the runes. they shy away from me.
Even when i cry they don't come.
can you tell me what they are?
Would you?
-purl-
haha its like a sequel.. i blog so much my life can be complied into one crazy thick book.. fullllll of sheer uselessness. haha. sigh. maybe i should stick to trying out victorian/romantic period type poetry style instead.. this simplistic "contemporary"(i don't mean the definition u find in your dictionaries obviously) one says too much too blatantly.
according to one of the creations of don delilo.. writers use writing.. as "the convinient crutch and alibi for every failure to be decent".. haha sigh.. dont we all somehow find an excuse from everything anyway? sigh. forget it dont want to think about it.
M U S T go Reeeadddd........
don't feel quite up to par today.
The people keep talking and the
sun gets in my eyes. i
tried calling your name but
the wind stole my voice
again.
but i guess silence suits you fine.
silk, satin, cotton, cashmere pressed against
my numbed skin.
where are you?
the dew locked up in icicles,
moss buried under endless sheets of snow.
tell me it stays warm that
way.
i stare out at orange street lights and soggy white tire tracks.
i notice the shadows now. they whisper, mumble and creak, but
i can't read the runes. they shy away from me.
Even when i cry they don't come.
can you tell me what they are?
Would you?
-purl-
haha its like a sequel.. i blog so much my life can be complied into one crazy thick book.. fullllll of sheer uselessness. haha. sigh. maybe i should stick to trying out victorian/romantic period type poetry style instead.. this simplistic "contemporary"(i don't mean the definition u find in your dictionaries obviously) one says too much too blatantly.
according to one of the creations of don delilo.. writers use writing.. as "the convinient crutch and alibi for every failure to be decent".. haha sigh.. dont we all somehow find an excuse from everything anyway? sigh. forget it dont want to think about it.
M U S T go Reeeadddd........
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