u know whats sorta pathetic..? i still cant call hammad's home without feeling bad. ha. sigh. dododoo...

mmm i shall bring my resume around tomorrow... chapters, garage, JACOB!(lol the one at markville though.. now i have no excuse not responding to their calls).. and i already applied for swatch and steward publishing thingamagig. i wonder if those survey thingys are trustable.. lol. its 40 dollars for a damm survey! i would do 100!

other than two pimples on my stupid forehead my complexion seems to get better lately.. Hmm maybe its the mediocre weather.. good fer moi. well tat bloody thingon my face is going away too anyways.. yay.

another of my old favourite songs:
Plush: stone temple pilots

And I feel that time’s a wasted go
So where ya going to tommorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?

And I feel it

Where ya going for tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And she feels it

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
....
how come its so hard to find songs like that anymore...? even third eye blind disappoints me. mmm. i wish my computor had sound.

two things to ban me from:
1. magazines and sad songs and shopping and self-beating-up and feeling fat because i am fat. yes, but i should not feel fat even if i am.
2. food :)

seriously though, i got nothing at all against the pope. i SWEAR! hes koo. speaks 11 langauages! strong guy with firm opinions too. *light pat on back* if that fly at angus glen dies by today and i feel better by tomorrow for some weird reason, God does listen eh.

i still stand by what i said abt religion making life(in general.. not specifically) easier... emotionally/mentally anyways. few contradicts and almost no "outlandishness" are given room in the brain. it always gives people outlines by which they should live their life. ok, i must not have sex until marriage. ok, i must always be selfless. i will only associate with_______. i will marry a ______. i will do ______. i will ______. my life will be _____ to dictate. ye know what i mean? its so good! forget restrictions.. if u are truly devoted, they arent restrictions no more, they are merely routes u shouldnt be taking to get to heaven.. or nirvana, etc. maybe i should just join the anorexics club.. i will acheive nirvana in no time... by dying.

sigh, someone bring back the greek myths and heroes..i would gladly take the time to convince myself aphrodite emerged from the black sea and phosphorence made flowers bloom wherever her feet touched. the world sprouting from warring divine gods. i love the thought of flawed gods and goddesses, the human like, racked by jealousy and pains like us. not so transcendent and intangible... the one unreachable ideal sought after by swarming masses.

fuggin' hell. vanishing_lost_soul should get a attitude check. flippin' jesus. it makes me angry sometimes.