She stares unblinkingly into the air, a pencil in the hand, poised over a white sheet of paper, ready to write. Yet she seems distant, displaced from her body, the iris of her eyes diminished, fixed on something invisible to another’s eye. Her expression expectant, her lips slightly apart, she day dreams of sunshine crashing through the blinds, spilt paint, ink stained fingers, gleaming crystals, those eyes, yellow rays bouncing off cool green sparkly waters, iridescent colors of scattered beads, soft, white sand, orange daises, long shadows cast by tall street lamps, that smile, dangling glittering earrings, his breath against her ear, the obnoxious smell of nail polish, chlorine in her hair, birds soaring above, songs on the radio.
Caught in this moment, she is impermeable, opaque; yet so transparent and vulnerable like a little child.
Oblivious.
Does she know who she is? Does she know where she is, where she is going? Does she know love, or bitterness? Does she know?
Her eyelids flutter.
She puts the pen down gently and slowly, a frown creasing her adolescent forehead, as if confused, pauses – and sighs.
Her gaze returns to the dusty markings on the blackboard.
Class has begun.
 
Talking about summer school brings about a stream of complaints and eye rolling. But at this instant, as I sit here by myself, right smack in the middle of the class room and the different cliques I float to and fro occasionally, I realize it isn’t that bad after all. I may be detached, quiet and dreamy- the observer, who holds her head down to smile or frown during lessons – but being locked by willingly for 7 hours every weekday with 19 other people, I have formed an invisible and silent bond with them, even if they are not aware. For the past few weeks, I overheard hilarious conversations about licking sweaty soccer players, Brad Pitt and other “sexy” celebrities, listened to the smooth and articulate voices of Jessica and Charity, and the other perky girls who would shriek excitedly over an essay, and the boisterous laughter and cruel jokes from the guys who dominate the last row of tables and chairs. It is true that with time, they would just be a foggy memory and faceless people with names I may not even be able to remember, and that I hardly learnt anything in this course, except practice my quick writing and text messaging skills, but at this moment, I have to say I have been complaining about nothing. Instead, I should be grateful I am given simple tasks to complete and a place to keep me occupied each morning, even though I think I have mastered the art of wasting time sitting at a desk with a mp3 player that is running out of battery, some paper and a blunt pencil. Summer school wasn’t horrible, nor was it as maddeningly annoying as I made it. It was merely somewhere I went each morning to waste time, get slightly more knowledgeable about world events and meet some new people. It also kind of gave me an insight of how her life is right now without trying too hard. Its all good really. (Despite the crazy amount of work I have to do tonight and during the weekend.. haha)
 
**everyday im sinking further.**
 
my moods these days are generally relaxed and slightly tired with a couple of down moments.. but im having fun..especially last night.. i havent had a relaxed talk in the comforting night outdoors for the longest time.. and helia's family misses her!!