everywhere i turn i see the issue of feminism. For mondays i read penguin classics, i read virginia woolf and her rage towards the disparity between the genders, the female being the inferior. i see magazine articles ranting about the hiphop culture and how demeaning many of its components are for women. i hear of friends shunting rap and its sexually crude lyrics. on fridays, i listen to TAs fume of disney and its way or perpetuating sexism in the modern western society. i watch people on tv gasp in horror at the traditions of some primitive societies that obviously worked against women. i read the bible and i see the glaring differences between the male and female. i look at my own bookshelf, and i see books addressing this "problem". and some how i cant stop thinking about it sometimes.. such as now.

i know feminism isn't about exterminatig men and punishing them for the generations of torment and repression, like the manifesto called SCUM by someone (i forgot the name). rather, its simply an attempt at obtaining equality between the sexes. i am not here to argue for or against feminism.. i just want to talk about it :) and yes, of course i see a problem.. i just dont FEEL it.

throughout the years of my childhood ( i mean like.. till now :D),suprisingly, brought up in a considerably still very conservative place, i never experience any difference in the way i was treated and the way BOYS were treated. i never thought boys had cooties, or if any differece in their body parts matter one bit when im trying to kick them in the shins or when i am wrestling them to the ground. instead, i was one of THEM. i wore ties(sometimes) for kids, i ran around in shorts and boycotted skirts and dresses for a good 4 years of my life probably. i rolled around in dirt, scrapped my bloody knees a few times a day from tripping and running. and i punched anyone who made fun of me. yes, i did wear a skirt to school.. but who said i couldnt wear my shorts inside?

on the other hand,during quiet moments at home, i dressed dolls up and enjoyed watching my mom dress up(she used to do that alot when she had lots of work and all that). i played with plastic miniature cooking utensils and used lego as substitutes for "food". all this while, my parents said nothing.

maybe u can say i wasn'tbrought up in an awfully "traditional" "chinese" household in which mommies tell their daughters to sweep the floor and behave like a girl. that your body is a treasure and weak structure that existed for your future husband. that you should do the chores and let your brother sit around and munch on chips. you had to sit a certain way and speak a certain way. i know i have some friends who had that at home, or at least had that said to them at some point of their lives. i never had that.

once, during dinner, my mom told me and dawne(we were poking at each other and giggling madly) to behave like girls and that she made a mistake and has three sons instead of one. at this point,most kids would sullenly stop what they are doing and sulk. we didnt actually, we rolled our eyes and told her maybe she did, and who cares really? and no, we didnt "behave like girls"and ended up with bruises and pouts. and that was the end of that.

i read of corsets and fainting spells the victorian women perform as a form of feminity and laugh with humor. my family makes fun of the whimsical details of the ideas of feminity from when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.. and in other societies, they were just "different" who is to say if something is "good" or "bad"?. my parents never pointed out scantily dressed females and labelled them. they never dismissed "rough" women either. sure, i didnt want to wear skirts.so they buy me pants instead. i did what i wanted and got what i wanted. i cried the same amount for a barbie doll or a set of plastic swords.

somehow, from watching people and reading and growing older(obviously my body changed), i naturally and inexplicably transformed into a GIRL. teasing from BOYS stopped and they stare atme with widened eyes at what i had become. "what the hell happened there?" people like Ben would still punch me and challenge me to a duel with bamboo sticks, others like patrick, starts hitting on me and calls me his babe. what happened to sharing band aids for bleeding blisters from climbing monkey bars?then again, im blessed to be put in co-ed schools for my entire life. it helped in opening me up to many more ideas.

by then, i am so accustomed to the "equality" i had been enjoying for the past 14 years thatit took me quite a long time to see the "reality".

for a good whole year, i became an angry teenage girl, who stood by her "girls" and condemmed every evil male i encounter. books with any hint of sexism disgusted me.. i had outbrusts even when my friends say something about what a girl should and shouldnt do. well, i guess things changed again.

its cliche, but when u find yourself blushing at your crush, or shortening your hems so you look better, or dresing up to receive positive attention, you realise you are enjoying this. who cares if i had to sit this way or speak softer? im getting all the attention from boys! who cared if sleeping beauty had to be beautiful and stupid? she got the prince she wanted didnt she? who cares if men couldnt have babies? ask the mother who cradles her babyboy in her arms right after labour.who cared if you tittered in highheels? theres someone to open the door for you.

and all of this comes from the seven deadly sins.. but thats another matter entirely.

maybe i just got too used to this.

most times i take for granted that everything is still equal. so what if the top ten favourite people in canada were men? the women who didnt make it probably werent good enough. that was my actual first instinct. realising the difference and pondering about the possibility of biasness came later.

i have difficulty putting labels on girls. bitch. slut. hoe. i dont care. so what if she doesnt wear any clothes? so what if she screwed a differnt guy everyday? so what if she grinds her crotch against someone else's? it is her choice isnt it. its not that i ignore it all and i dont see how demenaing it is or if it is bad or good. its ultimately her choice, and really, thats just another person doing what she does. i let it all slide by me. to me, you have it, you wnat to flaunt it? go ahead. enjoy.

well yes my mom seem fond of giving me talks about respecting my own body and that being a girl DOES have its biological disadvantages or differences u can say. but then its all just biology and my own choices no?

of course, i glad and proud for what the feminism has accomplished so far to allow me to have such a neutral-ish childhood and for me to take so many tihngs for granted. of course. *salutes*

after all, im someone who enjoys being a girl now. i dress up, talk about boys, enjoy university and probably relatively huge amount of freedom in many other more important things in the future and rush home from school every thursday to watch the America's Top model on tv.

for now, even though i do sound awfully "passive" and petty, in the society i live in, its all good :)