i am starting to get sad looking at models and other women in magazines that sutlely instruct us on what a woman is.. and what a woman/girl is supposed to look like. the more i look at them..in magazines.. on television.. on my computor screen.. the more i feel like the ugly, short, fat imposter who is trying to pull off the new "young woman/girl" look.. that has been trendy since human civilization apparently.. and failing miserably. i have days and moments i feel i have no right to actually even call myself a young woman... much less a little lady. im okay with girl.. coz it doesnt hold much.. just a young internally and externally shapeless female character waiting for the moment she finds a fitting mould.

its pathetic.. this body image frustration.. the constant plumment of self esteem over something so trival. i always thought ovaries made a woman.. not the length of her legs, the size of her "tits" and ass..perfectly tanned skin.. perfect eyebrows, perfect "feminine" clothing, a small perfectly proportional body, perfect hair that tumble and cascade over lovely shoulders. i never knew it would mean wishing i LOOK like someone else.. or having so many contradictions and problems rising from wearing a mini skirt and such fixed roles. nor did i know it also meant for the female sexuality to be under the control of society. (i am not saying the male sexuality isnt either.. but face it.. whoever thinks critically would get what i mean).. even without mentioning how "sexy" a woman is now defines her.

lets just talk about stereotypes... women are happily reduced to walking sizable body parts.. a fuckable moving object.. the men exclaiming and sweating over images of naked women... or how so damm "cute" a woman/girl is. coz the man's sexuality is apparently insatiable.. continuous, understandable. love comes later. whenever the man is ready. the level of her accomplishments and intelligence simply determines how valuable her "pussy" is. then maybe it MIGHT slavage a relationship when the poor woman becomes unattractive merely by aging. the guy, regardless of age, is the hungry increasing wise wolf on the prowl. on the other hand, women are supposed to take men for being themslves.. hence the complaint that hot women somehow end up with unworthy counterparts.. coz apparently the woman searches for love and personality.. she is supposedly emotional and understanding, nuturing, soft.. sex and the size of his joystick comes later.. coz if she puts it first.. she is immediately reduced to first her fuckable body parts.. and then to labels. the men get the words "stud" and women become "sluts".. simply because it is "unnatural" for a woman to be in touch with her sexuality. and because men are.. they are allowed to be assholes.. while society banishes the sluts.

then the stereotypes of the biological side of men and women. lets see.. the men sweat in expensive gyms to cultivate lickable abdomal muscles, they bleed from fights, they fart and laugh, they ejaculate and openly beg the women to swallow in magazines.. and somehow everyone applauds and take all that in stride. a shower, deoderant and colonge is optional buddies.. the manliness of your body secretions is aparently so sexy the women wil fall to their knees and kiss your filthy cowboy boots in hope of taking them home. on the contrary.. the women "glow", they ovulate and then bleed during their periods... the whole time frantically scrambling for "solutions" to mask it. there is an amazing array of products to make a woman smell like lialics, wine, crushed violets.. so she wont smell "funny".. so she isnt allowed to be human. during ovulation.. women are your fucking buddies.. their bodies "want" babies.. they splurge on ridiculous lingerie and makeup.. gym memberships to somehow maintain their lithe-ness without packing on "too much" muscle.. to seduce the "typically" wandering eyes of the men. and then.. on her period.. everything is hush hush.. we are supposed to shut up.. and pretend it doesnt happen.. coz its "disgusting" and a "hinderance". women run in and out of drugstores in shame, a pack of maxipads tucked discretely under their arms. the discussion of bodily functions of a woman is never allowed. well.. except for the overrated and exaggerated orgasm 62% of women admit to faking every now and then.

so.. whos allowed to be "themselves"? am i being myself? are you?

.. to be continued.