its kinda sad how im gonna spend my 3rd new year all alone in my room after my 3rd sad christmas.. haha.. at least i probably wont be crying this time.. or maybe i would. haha i probably will.. stupid sucker.. haa.. pathetic. how can i not get motherlandsick and not feel lonely this way really? and the funny thing is.. its all my own fault for being so useless. i think god wants me to straighten up those shoulders and realise the rest of my life is gonna be the same.. empty immaginary party tables and endless waiting.

wow.. i can still hear saheb's shrill voice echoing in my head. ergh. funny how AGAIN i get mistaken for a christian.. why though? coz im goody goody? coz i have a cross embedded in my forehead that is visible to everyone but me? do i praise the lord every 25 seconds? or is it my socks?

gawd, holidays make moi fat. *pukes at reflection*

im still indecisive about going back to my puny motherland.. sighs.

dear God, please deliver a loaded gun to me as my new years day present. it would be greatly appreciated. Amen.