perhaps you see the beauty in snow, water molecules stole of their energy to form white soft flakes that fall and melt upon the warm tongue. perhaps it warms your heart, the illusion of tranquility, the serene hum that fills you.

today this beauty suffocates me. when i look out the window i see a mess, an anrachy, a repression, through the rivults and condensation staining the clear glass. a huge massive white whirl that sweeps through the street and holds me prisoner to my house. how much longer can i bare those careless voices, the frowns, the clatter and excruciatingly annoying loud noises emitting from that buzzing machine with its long arm- it might as well wrap itself around my neck choke me to death.. anything is better than sitting here doing notihng. a breathing nothing who consumes resources. how i long to throw my bare fist through that plastic sheet, the fibreglass- the stinging electric impluses might wake me up, drown this numbness.this frustration. of course, logic begs to differ, of course im rational.

perhaps you enjoy the cold, the contraction of your blood vessels, your raw nerves, pale and pulsing against your skin. i dont understand how. it leaves me trembling, it robs me of CONTROL. whats worse than having a already disgustingly functioning body and having no control over how it feels? frigging furnace hardly works too. i hate winter i hate me i hate everything.